Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
