it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
