i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
