New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
