WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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