if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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