I just pynch a tree in the face
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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