I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
