i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
