Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
