Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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