i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
