Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I will die if light touches me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
