is your mom at the bar?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
