Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
