I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
