i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
