You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
