its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
