Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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