She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize