I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
