I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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