Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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