I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
