After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
