when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
