I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
