STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
