She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
