Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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