I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
