You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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