Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
