How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
