Do you still have your period?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
