Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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