I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
