So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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