i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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