At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
