"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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