i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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