operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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