Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize