its not stalking. its research.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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