Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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