Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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