In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
