You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
