i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
