I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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