i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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