Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
