Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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