I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think i have two assholes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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