And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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