you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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