Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
