hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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