Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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