Soap is not a condiment
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
