as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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