so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
