Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize