I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
