So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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