weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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