Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
