gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
