weddingsv make me drug and hornr
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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